So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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