I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
