Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
