....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
