She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
