am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
