how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
