dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You made out with two different species that night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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