just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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