DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
