So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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