I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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