do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
