just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
porn star boner night. come get it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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