...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
