we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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