Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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