considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
