went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
