yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Houston, we have a blender
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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