just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
