I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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