then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG