Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didn't notice because vodka
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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