you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!