I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.