I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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