she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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