I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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