My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
