This is not my ceiling
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
