Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
