In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
