oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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