Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
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i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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