Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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