She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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