She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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