He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
