dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
