And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
