do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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