Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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