the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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