His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
