I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i need to put some appletini on your dick
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
