I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
