What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
