I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
