i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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