I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
