I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
