6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
