I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
