i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There r osticjed everywhere
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
