the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
