My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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