Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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