Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
