Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
