I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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