The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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