just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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