Your mouth is God's brothel.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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