I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
