I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
